The Choice

This month I had to make a choice. The library is writing the budget for the 2013-14 school year, and I had to decide if I wanted to work more or less. My choice? No work at all.

When my contract expires in June, I will be a full time stay at home mom.

In my mind, the choice was easy. I can be home with my children, supervise their education, nurture and love them, and ensure they have the best care. I'm not staying home for a break or relaxation time, that's for certain. But I chose to bring these children into the world, and I feel like it's my responsibility to raise them, not daycare workers and not grandparents, but me.

So why am I taking a beating?

Almost immediately I heard remarks about how I was giving up my career and would never be able to get it back. Stay at home moms don't make money. They don't get promotions. They don't make a name for themselves.

My response: so what?

Being a stay at home mom is not about me, it's about my children. If I wanted fame, power, and money, I certainly wouldn't have had kids. The choice I am making is about what will give my children the best possible life.

Then there's that word over which I've suffered abuse: choice.

People assume that I must be a pampered housewife with a rich husband since I can so willfully "choose" to stay home. That is far from reality. In fact, for most of our marriage, our income was at or below the poverty line. Only recently have we been able to move up a little, and by adding a 2nd child, we've taken a step back. Don't get me wrong, my husband has what I consider to be a good job with insurance. And by good, I mean we can pay our bills and put back a little extra. But I know many families who make much more than we do who claim that both parents have to work in order to have enough money.

And that's my problem with the argument: money.

It doesn't take a lot of money to survive. More than money, it takes careful planning, and that's where a lot of my work is. I have to plan meals, budget for trips, plan out project funding, and somehow compensate for those emergencies that were never in the plans. I've learned how to take little and turn it into something. So when I say I choose to stay home, I'm not saying I choose to give up a paycheck. I'm saying I'm making changes in my life.

I'm also choosing to teach my children about a certain way of life. I believe that having too much money can be a bad thing. I don't want to see them spoiled and selfish. I want to see them resourceful and appreciative. I love the look in my daughter's eyes when she discovers that Mommy can bake muffins with her instead of buying them at the store, and Daddy can plant seeds that will grow vegetables. She can learn by doing, and in the process I hope she sees that the world needs much more than money.

Now I know there are cases when both parents have to work, and of course there are single moms without a choice. And I commend them for doing what they have to do. Both of my parents had to work. My grandmother was a single mom. I get it. But I think the idea of money gets used as an excuse too often.

As a mom who's been on both sides of the equation, don't hate on those who have to work, and don't hate on those who stay home. We've all had to make choices, and in both cases there are often sacrifices. But we're doing what we can for our children, to provide for them, to care for them, and to raise them up as responsible people.